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After two very uneventful weeks that I spent mainly on the couch and in bed, I am back to being more energised and active. But I also got a bit of a shock yesterday at my midwife appointment.

I have always measured smaller than I actually was but yesterday I measured so small that my midwife started to get a bit worried. She asked another midwife for a second opinion and she measured even less – 32 weeks instead of 38 weeks.

I wasn’t too worried in the beginning because I know that these measurements can be quite off and also I am small so it makes sense that my belly is small too compared to the average. But my midwife said that 6 cm are a lot that late in pregnancy and she wants me to get baby’s heart rate monitored and an ultrasound.

I was ok with the heart rate monitoring but first didn’t want the ultrasound. Aren’t they supposed to be even more unreliable than the manual measuring with a tape measure, especially this late in pregnancy? Well, according to my midwife an ultrasound can be quite off in terms of the size of the baby – it might say the baby is much smaller than it actually is or much bigger. But apparently it is quite accurate to detect if the baby is developing disproportionately: for example with a much bigger head and smaller belly or the other way round. And that was what she was really worried about – not that Sasha could be small but that she could be developing unevenly.

We didn’t expect that I would get an appointment for a scan straight away so I agreed to the heart rate monitoring and thought I could still decide later if I want the ultrasound. I just don’t know if an ultrasound really is harmless so until there are no studies confirming that it indeed is harmless, I rather don’t have one if I can avoid it. My midwife was also saying that it could happen that they detect something else that might worry me (that then turns out not to be true even). Anyway, while I was strapped to the heart rate monitor (and everything was fine), they said they have a slot available right now. So I agreed to an ultrasound because I started to worry more and more. Hospitals are just that kind of place where I always expect bad news…

The ultrasound scan took ages (I think about 40 minutes) and I hated it! I was so worried by then that when we finally got confirmation that everything is fine (and she just measures a bit smaller than the average baby) I wasn’t really relieved but still felt really bad. I felt like I didn’t achieve that natural pregnancy that I wanted and that I let unnecessary fear get to me.

On the other hand it might be good that we have confirmation now that everything is fine because… we are actually planning a homebirth! There are no midwives here who attend homebirths due to insurance reasons so it will be only Jordie, me and our doula/friend. I feel very confident about the whole freebirth but Jordie was a bit worried so he is more reassured now which is great!

I also think that, although I want everything to be as natural as possible, modern technology is not only bad. So why not get an ultrasound if there really is something to worry about and know for sure (or at least surer) instead of not knowing (and then be surprised which would be pretty bad during an unassisted homebirth)? So all in all I guess it was a good day yesterday 🙂 And I’m soooo looking forward to meeting our little girl soon!

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